The Age Inappropriate Pants

Clothes shopping had become such a drag, as I dare say had I.  Wondering from store to store, looking enviously at outfits I will never be able to wear, or rolling my eyes and saying those words that make me look around for my Mum,  ‘oh I remember that the first time around, everything comes back eventually’.  It had all become a bit blah.

But salvation has been found … shopping last week I was seduced by the siren’s song of the sequined pants!  Slim and black and covered from ankle to waistband in flat back sequins which winked at me as I walked past and I could swear tiny little bells tinkled as the sequins glittered with their unearthly  glow.  Absolutely spectacular, for a woman half my age!  I wish I could have said that I saw sense and carried on walking but I couldn’t, the allure was too much for me to refuse.  Into the changing room I charged clutching my precious cargo to my not inconsiderable chest!  Slipped into them, almost hoping they would be too small ensuring my dignity remained in tact.  Dignity schmignity, they fitted like a glove, well almost apart from the little tiny bit of muffin – OK,  Victoria Sponge – top that flopped over the waistband in a somewhat unflattering manner.

Would that stop this middle aged peri-menopausal maniac?  Not a chance.  I was off to that cash till like a racehorse with diarrhea and handed over my £10 with gusto.  Yes that’s right £10, reduced from £45, how could I resist.  I WILL BE IN THESE PANTS BEFORE SUMMER IS OUT!

On the plus side, all I need to go with these pants is a tailored white shirt, the heels I already have.  I WILL be that saucy glamour-puss or a bad Suzie Quatro look-a-like, not quite sure which!

I am now gluten, dairy, carb and fun-free in order to fit into this glittering gorgeousness.  I will find a  suitably classy venue for husband to take me so I can stand around all night looking interesting and vampish, just standing, standing, standing – the sequin layer has enough stretch to allow walking but makes it absolutely impossible to sit!