The Great Bakery Heist

Christmas was a very quiet affair, just husband, myself and the parents celebrating, nothing out the ordinary except a little bit of shoplifting with my Dad on Christmas Eve.

In our defense, we didn’t realise that we had committed a crime until we got home.  In short my Dad put three croissants into the bakery packet and at checkout I only pressed to pay for two – more miscommunication than premeditated felony.

I should have kept this crumb of information to myself; however I deployed my flip top head and told him.  As you can imagine informing your parent who was a police officer for over 50 years they have joined the criminal classes was not well received, in fact he went into a total tailspin. Not helped by husband calling us ‘thieving bastards’! Plans were hatched on how to atone for the ill gotten (but delicious) gains, could he just leave the money on the counter and run for it or make amends by reverse engineering the self-service machine?   Well to start with he couldn’t take the stolen pastry back (yum yum in my tum) and he has issues with the self-service machine at the best of times, this looked to be a recipe for disaster.

Dad & I looking natty in our new outfits

I thought, we should make haste to a country that has no extradition treaty with the UK and board flights to Cuba forthwith to sit out our time on the sandy beaches, drinking Caribbean rum – enjoying our life of crime, he however has decided to wait until the Co-Op reopens and rely on the leniency of the manager and/or our UK justice system.

Another low-key Christmas with a pensioner reduced to hiding behind a sofa cushion and muttering about Shaw Taylor and Police 5.

Bring on 2023 – Pilferage at the Patisserie!

Croissant Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

Cakey Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash